Can We Fix It?

When my kids were little “Bob the Builder” was popular. Some of you might remember it, but the whole premise behind the show was that something was broken and Bob and his crew of construction equipment were tasked with repairing it. Each episode would start with Bob being told of a problem to which he would respond “Can we fix it?” and all of his equipment would yell “Yes we can!”. I can think of no better description of me. I’m a fixer. If something is wrong, if there is a problem, I will try to fix it.

Lately, I’ve learned you can’t fix everything and this has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I wrote a blog post not long ago about letting go and turning things over to God. This is great in theory…if you actually do it. I kept saying I was but in truth, I couldn’t keep my hands out of it. I’d get impatient, meddle and in the end, make things worse. Then I’d get frustrated because nothing was changing. My feelings, the situation, the people around me. I was stuck in this endless loop of anxiety, stress, depression, and hopelessness.

Last week I finally let go. I stepped back, gave everything over to God and instead of chasing the situation decided to chase Him instead. I pushed pause on the situation, laid it at God’s feet, stepped back and let go. It wasn’t easy. It’s still not. I have to fight my urge for instant gratification or to get involved. When I get this urge I have to remind myself that I have no control. There is nothing I can do to make things better and my involvement will only make things worse.

What I’ve found is peace. There are still ups and downs. There are still times that my head and heart get the best of me, but it’s not like it was. Philippians 4:6-7 says “⁶ Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This is what I’ve found, peace. I’ve actually felt God at work in the situation and I can see His hand at work.

I’m not sure what the outcome of the situation will be. To be honest, I’m not sure I know what I want the outcome of the situation to be. All I know is that I have this peace within me that regardless of what happens everything will be okay and that God will work all things for His good. I still have my moments, but they’re much different now.

If you’re struggling right now, let me encourage you to turn it over to God. Even if you’re unsure what you believe or have your doubts, it’s okay. When your feelings overwhelm you, stop and say a small prayer. Be honest with God. Tell Him of your doubts, your struggles, and failures. Put it all out there and let it go. Once you let it go, then be patient. Don’t try to fix it yourself or get involved, and when you’re tempted pray again for God to let you relinquish control. We can’t always fix things and turning something over to God may not mean the outcome we want. But if we leave it up to God and let go of everything, even our expectations of the situation, we will find peace.

Where Was God?

I was reading my Twitter feed trying to see what everyone was saying about the tragedy in Newton, CT when I came across the following one on the Huffington Post religion feed:

I followed the link to see what Fischer had to say on the issue and all I can say is…he’s an idiot.

I know it’s not polite to call names and that as Christians we should act with some sort of decorum, but I can’t stand it when people use tragedies such as this one to try and read God’s mind. In his speech Fischer goes on to talk about how God isn’t allowed in schools so God chooses to stay out. Frankly this is a load of…well you can fill in the blank.

I have a problem with the idea of God abandoning a group of 6 and 7 year olds because of the laws passed by grownups. And the last time I checked, God didn’t seem to have a problem with going where He wanted. In Deuteronomy 31:6 Moses tells the Israelites as they were preparing to enter the Promised Land to “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I’m sorry Bryan Fischer but my God doesn’t work like you claim He does. Was this a senseless tragedy? Yes. Am I struggling with finding God’s will in this? Yes. Do I believe God stood idly by and turned his back because students aren’t allowed to pray in school or that He in some way caused this to happen as punishment? No.

I believe what happened, happened because we do live in a sinful and dying world. We live in a world where we’re becoming desensitized to real life because of the media we are bombarded with every day. People constantly make choices based on their own selfish desires and put their own needs before the needs of others. We have come to devalue life. This is the world we live in.

But we also live in a world where an elementary school principle gave her life trying to stop a madman who invaded her school. We live in a world where a new teacher hid her students and lied to a gunman, giving her own life to save her class.

Regardless how hopeless our world may seem at times, there is always hope. We just have to look a lot harder to find hope. Sensationalism is what sells. We thrive on drama, on tragedy, on accidents and death. We’ll see a feel good story from time to time, but that’s not what sells and until we say enough is enough this will never change.

God isn’t absent in this. He’s welcoming those who were lost with open arms. He is there in Newtown helping people pick up the pieces to try and make sense of this.

I do hope we’ll learn from this too. That every parent will hold their child a little tighter. That our society will embrace the work educators do. That we’ll figure out a way to keep weapons out of the hands of those who would wish to do harm. We can only hope that this is the last time our society has to endure a tragedy like this in order to learn it’s time to change.

Prodigal

Today I was asked about where the title for this blog, The Prodigal Pastor,  comes from. I explained that I started this blog shortly after I left my former denomination. The reason for the title was because I was no longer a part of the church and had lost a lot of “friends” in the process. While I didn’t go any further, to be honest I think a part of the title also came from the fact that at that time I felt very lost and very much alone. I was apart from God’s will for my life and had wandered from the path that God had planned for me…or at least the path I thought He had planned for me.

In hindsight I now wonder if the path’s we take, even those that lead us away from God, are still God’s will for us. I know from my personal experience that the path I chose really helped me put a lot of things in perspective and I believe I’m a better man today because of it. Maybe it’s actually not a matter of the paths that lead us away from God being God’s will as much as God using the paths we sometimes choose to take.

One of my favorite verses from the Bible is found in Proverbs 3:5-6 which says: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

The problem for me came when I decided to take my own path. I allowed people to lead me from where I knew God would have me to go, and instead I followed a path that God did not have laid out for me. However, I knew that something was missing and I felt lost because I was no longer following the path God had set out for me.

Now that I’m back on the path God has laid out for me, I realize how He will be able to use my past experience to make me better in ministry. However, knowing now that I am back on the path God has for me, the title of this blog really no longer fits. I’m no longer a prodigal and I have found my way back home.

Actually the second part of the title no longer works either. I have mentioned before that I feel called to be where I am, working with children and youth, and that at this point in my life I no longer feel led to be a pastor. So I guess at one time I was a “Prodigal Pastor”, but now now I’m simply a lost son who finally found his way back home.

Reference

Since my last post a lot has happened. I got an email from a church saying they would like to interview me for a ministry position doing children and youth. It’s my first actual church interview since my divorce so I’m both excited and nervous. The position itself would be great for me for numerous reasons and I believe it would even be good for my family. It would provide me with a better financial situation, more flexible schedule and it’s closer to my girls in Philly.

Preparing for this interview I asked a few friends if they would be willing to provide a reference for me. Those who responded did so enthusiastically with the exception of one friend from a former church. This friend’s email said that they couldn’t give me a reference because they didn’t believe I was ready to go back into ministry. To be honest their email hurt and I’ve been dwelling on it for a few days now wondering if they were right…and I don’t believe they are.

This is a person who I do hold a lot of respect for and who was a good friend to me while I was at this church. However, since everything happened with my divorce we’ve not really been in contact very much. Some of the things he said were true, but aren’t any longer. I am not the same man I was when my divorce took place. As I’ve mentioned I’m not the same man I was a few months ago.

I know this because I went to church today. It was my second visit to this particular church. I was invited by my girlfriend’s grandma who attends there. I went again because I enjoyed the service and partly because I spoke with their youth pastor who called and thanked me for visiting. I actually asked him if he’d pray with me for a the job interview. He prayed with me on the phone, then today during the service I felt led to go forward and their pastor prayed with me.

The message today was about Moses and how God has created us for a purpose. This is where I find myself, trying to figure out what my purpose is. I thought I had this all figured out but now I don’t really know in light of everything that has happened.

Ephesians 2:10 says: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

I do believe that I was created and that God still has a plan for me. Could it be this position that I’m interviewing for? Could it be something else? That’s what I’m waiting and praying to see. I’m really trying to temper myself with this interview in case it doesn’t work out. If it doesn’t I have to look at the other places in my life where things have worked and are working out for me. It’s in these areas that I see God’s hand at work so I have to keep the faith that it would work out for me professionally for me as well.

God does have a purpose for us all. It doesn’t have to be in ministry. It could be where we currently find ourselves, in our homes, schools or offices. The fact remains that it has already been prepared for us, all we have to do is pray for the courage to take the step and do what God calls us to do.

“Purpose is what gives life a meaning.” – Charles H. Perkhurst

More or Less

The other day I decided to give the massage chairs at the gym a try. They felt okay and did seem to help my back a little. I probably would’ve thought they were great if I hadn’t experienced an actual massage a few days earlier at The Woodhouse in Kingston. That was my first actual massage ever and it did wonders to my neck and back.

This got me thinking about life a bit and wondering how many times I’ve settled for something because I didn’t realize there’s something better out there for me. Add to this my own issues with patience and there’s a pretty good chance this has happened more than I realize. Maybe I’ve taken a job when a better one was on the way or left a job right before it was about to get better.

Regardless of what we think God does have a plan for us. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  The problem comes when I try to make my own plans instead of allowing God’s plan to work itself out. We often don’t see the bigger picture in the day to day things of life, but as we look back we can often see where God was at work the whole time.

Author C.S. Lewis writes: “”Indeed if we consider the unblushing promise of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

It still remains to be seen what God’s plan is for me at this stage of my life. All I know is that there is definitely something more out there for me. I just have to learn to be patient, to continue to trust Him and wait for it all to work out in his time. In the meantime I have to let Him work in me and through me where I am so that when the time comes and his plan is revealed, I’ll be ready.