Spiritual Warfare

I had to use this picture because it’s so incredibly cheesy and Jesus is so very white. 🙂

Some days my anxiety kicks my butt. It’s nothing like it was a few months ago, but there will be those days when I feel like I can’t catch my breath and someone is sitting on my chest. There are other days when the world just seems cloudy, almost like there’s no hope. These are usually rough things to navigate. They make it hard to focus and think. They make it difficult to interact with people. They make it tough to do just about anything. I used to think that these days were of my own doing. If only my faith was stronger or if I prayed more. I used to think I would will and work myself out of the feeling. Then when I struggled and couldn’t, I’d just feel tired and the negative feelings would just grow.

The other day I was talking with someone, okay not someone, my therapist. I can’t remember if I mentioned her here before, but yes I go once a month. We were talking about how everything will be great and then I’ll just get these days and moments like I just described. She actually told me something I hadn’t really considered that those moments are more than likely a spiritual attack. She said that the Bible tells us that Satan can’t hurt us physically but he can play with our minds and our circumstances (see Job). 1 Peter 5:8 actually says “⁸Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

As we talked she went on to say that what happens is that I’ll begin to blame myself for what I’m feeling, sort of as I just described. She said what I have to realize is that it’s not my fault for feeling that way. So instead of beating myself up or allowing old thoughts, mistakes, etc. to filter in, I need to rebuke the devil and his attack. James 4:7 says “⁷Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” So if we can rely on God and resist the devil, he’ll run away. 

I know many of you struggle like I do with your own brains. I’m a chronic overthinker. I struggle with codependency and worrying about what everyone thinks about me. You may not struggle with anxiety or depression, but many of you struggle with self-worth, guilt, loneliness, and numerous other negative things. My encouragement to you is to not allow these thoughts to change who you believe you are in Christ. God loves us so much and nothing we think about ourselves will ever change the truth about who God is and what Jesus did for us. 1 Corinthians 8:3 says “But whoever loves God is known by God.” You are known by God. Not in some passing acquaintance type fashion. You are known. God knows your heart, your mind, even your very spirit. He knows your thoughts, your desires, your struggles. There is nothing we have done or nothing we can think that God doesn’t already know.

The video below is the song “Defender” by Jesus Culture. It’s a great song that has helped me a lot. I love how it says that God goes before we even know to win our war. Next time you feel you’re under attack, invite God to fight for you, and remember, you’re never alone!

Are You Mental?

Over the past few months, I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression. Up until it happened I’d never really considered myself as someone who had any mental health issues. I’d have moments like everyone else seems to, but they always seemed to pass and weren’t anything like what I experienced. During this time I was completely overwhelmed. There were days when I couldn’t function and lost time, where it seemed like the day just came and went. There were times when I’d feel like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn’t catch my breath. There were other days when I just felt completely isolated, alone and invisible, feeling like no one cared. Cloudy days where it felt like a dark cloud was following me around. There were even days I told God I didn’t want to do it anymore.

Things are mostly better these days. I began seeing a therapist who helped me work through a lot of my issues. She’s actually a Christian so her encouragement along with that of my pastor helped me begin to see a lot of things differently. I no longer measure my self worth in what other people think of me or how they treat me. Instead, I’ve begun to seek my worth through my relationship with God and what He’s done for me through Jesus. I pray…a lot. I’ll light a candle at night before bed, do laps around the altar in my church’s sanctuary or pray on long drives. I’ve also begun working through long-held beliefs about guilt and past mistakes realizing God’s forgiveness and grace. I’ve also begun to see people for who they are, broken and flawed children of God, and human just like me.

During this difficult time, two verses have really stood out to me. The first is 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”. The other is Psalm 46:10 “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’” These two verses serve for me as a reminder that I need to quiet my mind in the midst of the noise and give my concerns to God.

Too often I think I avoid talking about the things that bother me and when I give things over to God try to control them, which isn’t really giving them over. It’s difficult to let go of a situation and give up control. I like control. I like being able to choose the direction or what happens. Not to mention I don’t like waiting and I like resolution. Problem is, this isn’t taking care of my anxiety since I’m not really casting anything on Him. I might be giving God a little of the weight but I’m still carrying a lot of it myself. Plus when I’m worrying and trying to fix things, I’m not really being still. I’m keeping busy and moving about. Being still means trusting in God and staying put. Being content to be where you are and trusting that God will guide your next move.

If you’re struggling right now let me encourage you to find a good therapist. Having a therapist isn’t a lack of faith in God. You can still pray to God and have a therapist to talk to. Let me also encourage you to cast your cares on Jesus and to learn to be still. It’s not easy but it’s worth it!

Can We Fix It?

When my kids were little “Bob the Builder” was popular. Some of you might remember it, but the whole premise behind the show was that something was broken and Bob and his crew of construction equipment were tasked with repairing it. Each episode would start with Bob being told of a problem to which he would respond “Can we fix it?” and all of his equipment would yell “Yes we can!”. I can think of no better description of me. I’m a fixer. If something is wrong, if there is a problem, I will try to fix it.

Lately, I’ve learned you can’t fix everything and this has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I wrote a blog post not long ago about letting go and turning things over to God. This is great in theory…if you actually do it. I kept saying I was but in truth, I couldn’t keep my hands out of it. I’d get impatient, meddle and in the end, make things worse. Then I’d get frustrated because nothing was changing. My feelings, the situation, the people around me. I was stuck in this endless loop of anxiety, stress, depression, and hopelessness.

Last week I finally let go. I stepped back, gave everything over to God and instead of chasing the situation decided to chase Him instead. I pushed pause on the situation, laid it at God’s feet, stepped back and let go. It wasn’t easy. It’s still not. I have to fight my urge for instant gratification or to get involved. When I get this urge I have to remind myself that I have no control. There is nothing I can do to make things better and my involvement will only make things worse.

What I’ve found is peace. There are still ups and downs. There are still times that my head and heart get the best of me, but it’s not like it was. Philippians 4:6-7 says “⁶ Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This is what I’ve found, peace. I’ve actually felt God at work in the situation and I can see His hand at work.

I’m not sure what the outcome of the situation will be. To be honest, I’m not sure I know what I want the outcome of the situation to be. All I know is that I have this peace within me that regardless of what happens everything will be okay and that God will work all things for His good. I still have my moments, but they’re much different now.

If you’re struggling right now, let me encourage you to turn it over to God. Even if you’re unsure what you believe or have your doubts, it’s okay. When your feelings overwhelm you, stop and say a small prayer. Be honest with God. Tell Him of your doubts, your struggles, and failures. Put it all out there and let it go. Once you let it go, then be patient. Don’t try to fix it yourself or get involved, and when you’re tempted pray again for God to let you relinquish control. We can’t always fix things and turning something over to God may not mean the outcome we want. But if we leave it up to God and let go of everything, even our expectations of the situation, we will find peace.

The Doldrums

One of the things that I struggle with the most is that I can sometimes get down for no reason at all. I’m not sure if I’d classify it as depression, but it’s just that feeling that something’s not quite right and you’re not sure what it is. This can hit me out of nowhere even in times when everything seems to be good. I’ll be fine and then all of a sudden just be overcome with this feeling of dread.

Even with my new job I keep finding myself feeling this way. I think part of the reason is that I’m no longer interacting with people I’ve been seeing at work for almost two years. I think another part of it is that I’m spending half of my time working from home and other half commuting an hour and a half one way to work. That leads to an awful lot of alone time and my brain has this nasty habit of getting the best of me.

The hard thing for me is that when I feel this way I tend to shut down. I don’t really talk to anyone. I just keep it to myself and wait for it to pass, which it usually does in time. What I can’t figure out is what causes me to do this. I have a wonderful wife who I can talk to about anything. I have friends who will listen, yet I still choose to shut down. I often wonder if I do it because I want someone to notice that something’s wrong and offer to help.

Matthew 11:38 says “‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.'”

When I find that life is getting the best of me I try and remember this verse. However, what makes this the hardest for me is that I even find myself not wanting to do anything of a “spiritual” nature, including praying. It’s almost like I’d rather just feel sorry for myself and throw my own pity party instead of working to find my way out. It’s a very frustrating feeling to want to get over it but not having the personal strength to get up and do it.

What usually breaks me of this is I’ll finally open my eyes and realize how blessed I am. I’ll get out of my self-centered place and stop looking at all the bad things in my life. Instead I’ll finally start to see all that God has given to me. I have a lot of reasons to be thankful: my amazing wife and four beautiful daughters, my family and my friends. I’m also thankful that I have a new job and I’m back where I believe God has called me to be and that things are finally beginning to get better for us.

In the end I think that’s what this all comes down to. If we were to only sit back and look at the negative things in the world and our life, then none of us would have the strength to get out of bed in the morning. There is a lot of evil in our world and we all face challenges. However, when we really look at the world around us we can see all the good God has made too. This point of view can be summed up best by a quote by Ashley Smith “Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”