The Day My Life Was Changed Forever

This Saturday will be a year since mom passed away. Sometimes it seems longer, sometimes it doesn’t. It feels like walking a distance through the mud where it feels like you’ve been going forever, yet you turn around only to see you’ve not gone that far. That’s kind of what life is like with grief. As you carry it, life goes on but the weight of it slows you down. Doing anything seems like a chore.

Grief also comes in waves. Just like the ocean, it catches you off guard. It’ll knock your legs out from under you, leave you gasping for breath and then it’s gone again just as quickly as it came it. Mine often come with reminders. A conversation, a mutual like, a moment in time. Frozen Cokes are a big one for me. I used to get them on the way home from work. At the time mom was taking radiation for her cancer and it was making her throat sore. I went through drive through while on the phone and she said that sounded good. Apparently it became a new routine for her and dad after her treatments (I’m pretty sure he was sent out on some runs to the gas station as well).

I hold on to memories like this. My therapist (yep, I have one) said it’s important to keep my connection to mom through doing things to honor and remember her. Frozen Cokes are one of those things, along with music and sharing memories of mom. If you’re reading this and you’re grieving, I’d recommend doing this as well. It’s hard sometimes, but it helps.

One of the hardest parts has been the silo the grief creates. You’re surrounded by others but feel alone and isolated. Like even though they mourn with you they just don’t get it. They can’t possibly understand how you feel. My wife, my kids, they knew my mom but she was my mom. She’s always been there no matter what. I was used to her being there so the moment she wasn’t was difficult to deal with.

When mom got diagnosed with cancer in April of 2019 I made it a point to call her every day just to check in. Some days were short check ins as she was between doctors appointments and such. Other days were long conversations. I’d call her right after work or often in my in between moments. I still find myself reaching to pick up the phone in those moments. Just to hear her voice and tell her what’s new with life. I’l still make these calls to dad but it’s different. Mom was a talker. I know where I get it from.

I think what’s made all of this more difficult is the hit my faith took. Luckily my faith has been resilient, but it’s still been a struggle. When mom was diagnosed I prayed…A LOT. It seemed like she was getting better. She’d have struggles and bad days, but overall the prognosis seemed good. When I got the call that we need to come to Florida it was unexpected. I was just starting the first session of our Advent Bible study (a session which begins again tonight). I prayed my way, all seventeen hours to Florida. I prayed at the hospital, crying out to God, tears flowing for her to wake up and be well. Then she passed.

I didn’t know what to make of this. Time and time again the Bible says that God hears our prayers, that God answers our prayers. Why didn’t he answer? What did I do? Was I not good enough? Was he holding my past mistakes against me? I’ve continued to pray since then for God to just speak, but he’s been quiet. It’s caused me to question whether he’s there at all. What if when we die that’s it? What if there’s nothing else. I really struggle with the idea that when our eyes close in death that’s it. I think mostly because it makes me wonder what this life is for then. What’s the purpose, the point?

As I said, my faith is resilient. That’s thanks to my parents and grandparents. My beliefs have always been a part of my life and always will. I can’t imaging making it through life without them. All I can do is keep on believing and hoping. Praying and listening. My hope is that one day I’ll see my mom, grandma and all of the people I love waiting for me. It’s that eventually all of the bad in this evil world, the death, the disease, all of it will be over. That God will welcome us all into his kingdom and humankind will get a second chance. A do-over but this time in the presence of God.

I love and miss you mom and I can’t wait to see you again.

Don’t Be An A******

I don’t know about you but I’m struggling right now. Most of you know I lost my mom in December and admittedly I’m still learning to live with my grief (NOT get over it…that’s not how grief works). My struggle also comes from just feeling disconnected with everything around me. It’s like life continues to go on, people expect things from me, but I’m struggling to keep up with their expectations. It doesn’t help that my brain is mush. I’m forgetful and distracted, I guess this is all goes with the territory.

It also doesn’t help that our country is a shit show. The attempted coup that we all just witnessed on Wednesday coupled with people already starting to defend those involved. There’s also the continued worry because of grumbles of additional attempts later this month.

I think this all only adds to my own anxiety and depression. I have hope that things will change with the leadership but there’s just so much division. There’s also so much ignorance in people just refusing to think, believing everything they see or read or saying something is fake news just because it doesn’t mesh with their point of view. Repeating a lie over and over doesn’t make it truth and denying a truth over and over doesn’t make it a lie.

My question is how do we fix it? It used to be we’d say just pray more and hope that people come back to God, but honestly it feels like God got us into this. Maybe not God directly, but people who claim faith but carry anger and hate in their hearts. It’s like they only worship the angry and judgmental God of the Old Testament and pay no mind to Jesus. Yes, he turned over tables in the temple but not the government buildings.

Maybe this is what we need, to turn over the tables in our churches. To remove the idols we’ve created and replace them with actual obedience to Jesus. Scratch that, obedience is another one of those words. We need to replace our idolatry with love for Jesus. We need to listen to him and be more like him. Jesus never commanded worship or even obedience, he simply said “follow me”.

I guess I’m just struggling with hope right now. It just feels so dark. I tend to feed off of the emotions of others. Maybe my own grief coupled with what I’m feeling from the world right now is just overwhelming.

I spoke at my mom’s service, I knew she’d want me to. One of the things that I said was that “grief is love with nowhere to go.” I then went on to encourage those in attendance to channel that grief, that love, to those who still need it.

This sounds like a good place for us to start if we’re feeling overwhelmed. Just do good wherever you are. Help others, speak the words of Jesus and just try not to be an asshole. The world has plenty of those already.

Restless Soul

Lately, I’ve been feeling a great deal of restlessness. Admittedly I’m already busy with being a bi-vocational pastor of three small churches in addition to a full-time job and family. Yet something deep inside me is restless. At first, I just wrote it off to busyness, being tired and possibly even some mental health stuff related to my lack of rest, but yet there’s still just something there under the surface.

I think a great deal of it has to do with how our world is right now. Being a Christian I find myself frustrated with a lot of the behavior I witness around me. People who completely support our current president saying things like he’s “anointed by God” or “chose by God” while ignoring ongoing sinfulness and lack of repentance by writing it off and saying God always uses flawed people. Yet these are the same people who want to judge people who aren’t like them in color, nationality, religion, personal beliefs or who they love.

To be honest, the other side’s not so great either. Many liberals or people on the left want to preach acceptance and openness but they too only accept it if it agrees with them or their agenda. I also struggle with the idea that some have that God is so open that anything goes. It’s kind of this idea that God loves you despite your flaws so come on in, which is true, but God still doesn’t want us to remain the same as we were when we walked in the door.

I think much of the restlessness I feel is God calling me to something but I just don’t know what. In my current situation, I find myself being able to make a small difference but I still feel very small and inconsequential. Maybe it’s an ego issue since I’ve been places where my impact felt bigger and I was getting more attention from my local denominational leadership. I’m honestly not sure.

Truth be told though, while busy and tired I’m okay with where I am. While our situation isn’t perfect, I’ve been blessed with an amazing family. I love my little churches and the people there. My supplemental job pays well and it isn’t that difficult. I’ve even been helping on an as-needed basis at a local hospice and have found this very rewarding.

Maybe the restlessness I feel is God preparing me for something. Maybe it’s God calling me closer to Him and reminding me in the midst of the busyness to leave room for Him. I’m not really sure. I just know it’s there and I can feel it.

I don’t think I’m alone. I think there are many Christians who, like me, are frustrated with the state of Christianity right now in America. While proud and thankful for their country they’re also tired of people wrapping the cross in a flag. They’re tired of Christians marrying religion with politics. They’re tired of Christians whitewashing God and creating Him in their image to the point that God hates the same people they do. They’re tired of these same people questioning anyone who disagrees without ever examining their own beliefs and considering that they might actually be wrong.

If your soul is restless like mine let me encourage you to listen. Draw closer to God and wait for Him to show you what it’s all about. Keep praying, worshipping, reading and listening. Keep looking to Jesus, reading the Gospels and trying to be like Him. Most importantly though, in a world with so much division and hatred, just keep loving every chance you get.

Just Keep Swimming

I’ve struggled to write much of anything recently. I’m having one of those stretches where it feels life is coming at you from pretty much every direction. What is unfortunate in these times is that life continues to go on and so must you. So you have to fight through the feelings of doubt, frustration, anxiety, depression…all of the negatives and just keep going. I guess Dory was right…we have to “just keep swimming.”

I think my biggest frustration is that even when life wasn’t going great I could pray and see God’s hand at work. I haven’t been able to see this for a while now. I’ve even explicitly prayed for it, for God to “show me” He’s working and moving. Just some small sign that He’s listening. My prayers have been met with silence…I think. Maybe I’m just jaded. Maybe I’m spending too much time focusing on the chaos and I’m missing God’s hand. It just gets frustrating sometimes having to defend God and search for His moving. I just wish God’s working was a little more obvious sometimes.

Romans 8:26-28 says that: ²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[i] have been called according to his purpose.

This has always been one of my favorite passages to share with people who are struggling to find the words to pray. It’s been a great comfort for me now as I am struggling to find the words right now. It seems like my prayers are the same and have been for months now as I face a great deal of uncertainty…and silence.

It is a nice reminder to hear that God is working for the good of those who love Him and I hope that whatever comes of this is for the best. I will say God has been good in giving me a great support system around me. They’ve been a great source of encouragement as they are praying for me and encouraging me to be patient. I do believe it’ll all work out but any day now would be nice.

Alma Mater

Today I got the notification that my alma mater, Taylor University, is going to have Vice-President Mike Pence speak at their 2019 commencement ceremony. The backlash was almost immediate with comments on Facebook and Twitter, along with petitions created and letters being drafted and sent. I’ll be honest, I signed the petition. Some might question why, after all, Mike Pence is a professed Christian and Taylor is a Christian university. Not to mention, I’m also a pastor and a Christian myself, so why would I have an issue with Mike Pence?

There is a quote often attributed to Dietrich Bonhoeffer that says: “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” I am in no way calling Mike Pence evil, I really believe that he is a deeply religious man with strongly held convictions. However, the Pharisees were deeply religious too. Jesus never questioned their faith nor their devotion. He questioned their quest for money and power, and how they treated others and put the law before love.

Mike Pence is complicit in what is happening in the current administration and government. From the refusal to call racism and hate what it is to the inhumane policies that have seen children separated from their parents and locked in cages (it doesn’t matter where they’re from…they’re children). Not to mention the blatant lies, the bullying and namecalling, the rhetoric stoking racism and fear, and the overall greed that sees the quest for money and power at the expense of the least of these. Pence is in a position where he could easily speak up, hell he could even use his so-called Christian principles as an excuse as to why he is speaking up. If Pence is a devout Christian he should be able to quote the Bible and Jesus and call out all of the evils that surround him on a daily basis. Yet he says nothing, “not to speak, is to speak”.

John Wesley said that Christians are to “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.”. Mike Pence is in a position of power. He’s the second most powerful person in what used to be the most powerful country in the world. Yet he doesn’t use his power to make a positive difference. Instead, he helps to pass policies that discriminate others, stands silently by while his boss continues to lie and backtrack, while his party continues to take advantage of most Americans and while legislation is passed that will harm the majority of Americans and damage his God’s creation.

I signed the position because the God that Mike Pence serves and the Jesus that I know are nothing alike. My Jesus told Christians that our greatest commandments were to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and that the second was to love your neighbor as yourself. Mike Pence may love God, but from what I can tell Mike Pence only considers someone his neighbor if they look like him, talk like him, love like him, worship like him and vote like him.

I ended up choosing Taylor University because I thought it was a place where I could grow in my faith but could also be myself. I avoided other more conservative Christian colleges because I feared I wouldn’t fit in. I didn’t want to wear a tie or avoid listening to rock music. Taylor had its rules, but I didn’t find them overly restrictive or heavy-handed to me. I enjoyed my time at Taylor, I grew in my faith and even received my call to ministry there. Taylor will always hold a special place in my heart. However, having Mike Pence speak at graduation a week after speaking at Liberty University, makes that space a little bit smaller.

Where is God?

Photo source: http://www.wiseblooding.com

I have a guilty pleasure. A few weeks ago I started watching the television show Preacher on Hulu. I made it through two seasons and am waiting on the third to come to Hulu soon. The show is taken from the comic book of the same name. Currently the show is following Jess (Preacher) and company as they search for God who has left heaven and is hiding out on earth.

I have to admit lately I can kind of identify with the plot of Preacher and I’m probably not alone. I think a lot of us are looking around at our world and are maybe wondering the same thing, “Where is a God?”. There’s just so much evil in our world right now that it seems to be everywhere. Tune in or log on and there it is. Some of it isn’t new but much of it is. White supremacy, mass shootings, children in cages, corruption in politics. Okay, so that last one isn’t new but we seem to be so okay with it these days that it happens in plain day and we’re unfazed.

I think the frustration is we feel like God has just given up on us. It constantly feels like the bad guys are winning and keep on winning. It just seems like everyone is existing in their own little sphere and don’t care about anyone outside of it. We’ve lost all sympathy for anyone else and only care about ourselves.

Sorry if this feels totally negative. I guess I’m just venting some of my own frustrations with what I see in our world and how it makes me feel. It probably doesn’t help that I’m dealing with some personal stuff right now and there’s a lot of bickering in the church circles I’m a part of.

Unlike Preacher I’m well aware God hasn’t gone anywhere. James 1:17 actually tells us that God “does not change like shifting shadows”. In truth, if we feel like God is far away it’s because we have shifted, not God. I hearken back to Peter when he was walking to Jesus on the waves. Peter took his eyes off Jesus, became aware of the storm around him, and began to sink.

I think the takeaway is this: we need to keep our eyes on Jesus in the midst of this storm of a world we find ourselves in. It’s ugly. It’s brutal. It’s scary. But God is still God and God is still there. So please join me in keeping our eyes on Jesus and doing our best to being God’s Kingdom here to earth by loving others.

You Are Dust…

I meant to post this closer to Ash Wednesday but honestly, it got away from me and I had a serious case of writer’s block. Some of it stems from my own current situation and just a whole lot of uncertainty. As I try and wait and trust in God He just seems awfully quiet at the moment. There have been times recently that I’ve seen God working or felt Him leading but at the moment I just feel like I’m stuck in a holding pattern…better yet, I feel like I’m stuck in the airport terminal waiting for God to hand me my ticket and tell me which flight is mine. The other part of my writer’s block comes from the fallout of what just happened in my denomination. Since my last post, I’ve continued to see so much division, arguing and fighting. I don’t mean disagreeing or debating, I’m talking straight up uncivil behavior, name calling and the like. Much of what I’ve seen is from my fellow clergy, people who claim to be set apart and called to ministry. It reminds me of Matthew 15:18 where Jesus says “But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.” But I digress.

When thinking about Ash Wednesday I’m constantly reminded of the symbolism behind the ashes as a reminder that in the end, we are all dust. We started that way and eventually, we’ll return. It’s equal parts humbling and depressing. The idea that one day this body will no longer exist and the reminder that we all start and end the same way. This latter part though…if you truly break it down, take away everything that we use to separate and divide, we are all the same. All of this “stuff”, one day won’t matter. It’ll be gone just like us.

What frustrates me is that we seem to measure the worth of another based on this “stuff”. That someone one person is better than another or worth more than another because of what they own. Granted, there are people in this world who are important: scientists, doctors, teachers, etc. people who make a difference in the lives of others. I’m sure there’s a lot of other people I could add to this list, but in our world, it seems to be that “importance” is measured by money, power, possessions or fame. On social media, it’s the number of likes, followers, retweets, shares, friends and the like. People are more concerned with going viral posting their good deeds or standing by and filming the misfortune of others. Couple this with our penchant for instant gratification and it’s no wonder the world is the way it is.

The idea of Ash Wednesday goes against all of this. Ash Wednesday reminds us that in the grand scheme of things we’re worth no more than the dirt beneath our feet. Yet in God’s eyes, we’re priceless. Realistically, this doesn’t make any sense. Why would God put so much value in…dirt? So much so that Jesus died to reconcile us with God? This is the second part of Ash Wednesday…reminding us that God can use this dust to do extraordinary things. God created us out of dust and uses us to do His work on earth. It’s pretty humbling stuff.

How many times do we feel worthless? We feel invisible. We feel walked on and walked over. We feel ignored and forgotten. Today I was talking to someone about my upcoming sermon where I’m talking about how the veil was torn during the crucifixion as a symbol that we can now enter the presence of God through Jesus. As a part of the sermon, I’m talking about the things that keep us from entering the presence of God. She said that from her experience the biggest thing that keeps people from coming to Jesus is that they feel unworthy. They feel as if they need to clean or fix themselves up before they deserve to come before Him. Yet that’s the thing. It’s because of Jesus and what He did on the cross that we are made spotless so that we can come before God.

So if you’re feeling worthless or unworthy. If you’re feeling dirty or less than dirt, just remember that Jesus died for that dirt. Also, know that a long time ago God created beautiful things out of the dust…and He can do the same for you!

What Now?

As many of you know by now I’m a United Methodist pastor. I’m actually a Licensed Local Pastor which means my connection is a little different than ordained clergy (elders) but for the most part, it is the same responsibility. Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock you probably know what is going on in our denomination right now. A big meeting was held to try and determine our church’s stance on the issue of ordaining LGBTQ clergy and allowing current clergy to perform same-sex weddings. If you’re here to find out what my stance is, you’re going to be disappointed. For the most part, I’m trying to keep my overall opinion off of social media, but I’d be happy to indulge in a personal discussion.

The reason I write though is this has been weighing very heavily on me. It’s weighing heavily because I have friends who are hurt and affected by all of this. Not just the decision that came down, but all of the stuff that happened before, during and after this conference. This got ugly. I actually saw posts in both a United Methodist clergy group and a Worship Leaders’ group I’m involved in on Facebook, that were so very unbecoming of people who are supposed to be following Jesus. To make matters worse, these are people who are called to ministry as pastors and leaders. The hatred, vitriol, namecalling, finger pointing, foul language and other behaviors that I saw were uncalled for, unnecessary, unChristlike and unworthy of the calling we have.

The question we must ask ourselves is, “Where do we go from here?”. I’ve heard a lot of talk about people doing their own thing or bailing on the denomination altogether. I’ve heard others say they’ll stay and fight for what they believe in. The talk around my own church is to recognize that people are hurting and to understand that the bigger picture is nothing has really changed for us and that we must continue to be the Church. It’s actually pretty good advice.

The question that comes out of all of this is, when did anyone get an inside track on the truth? People who are biblical literalists still ignore some things. People on the other side do the same thing. Everyone agrees that there are things in the Bible that are culturally relevant to that specific time period and not today. The question comes, where do we draw that line? Over history, we’ve seen many churches and denominations change their stance on certain societal issues. We’ve also seen some stick to their beliefs and choose not to change. So who is right or wrong?

What we have to ask is does it matter? Does it matter who is right and who is wrong? Is someone right and someone wrong and can we really know? When Jesus was pressed about what the greatest of the 10 Commandments was (remember, it was a trap) he answered: ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” – Matthew 22:37-40

What we have to ask ourselves is this, is it important to be right? Should we be worried about being wrong? Or should we just do what Jesus said and love God and love our neighbors? I think this is where we are ALL messing up on this. We’re not treating the people we disagree with as Jesus would have us treat them. Jesus admonishes us in Matthew 5:43-48 to love our enemies because it’s easy to love people who are just like us. That means people who look like us, dress like us, talk like us, think like us, believe like us, love like us. See where I’m going with this?

In the midst of all of this, not just this issue in the United Methodist Church but even in American politics, we’ve forgotten to love our enemies. Can you imagine how all of this would be different if we allowed this to happen? If we actually, and I mean actually, engaged in dialogue, not to make sure our point is heard, but to hear the point of the other? To actually work, and I do mean work, towards peace and understanding?

I’m not sure where we’ll go from here. A lot of damage has been done. People have been hurt and continue to be hurt by post-conference rhetoric. I’m not sure what’s going to happen but I do know one thing: God is still God. God can and will work in the midst of this. My prayer today is that the church can continue its mission to make disciples, to love all people (even our enemies) the way Jesus did and does, and that we would listen to God’s Spirit, wherever it may lead…even if it’s across the aisle.

Worthless

I struggle with self worth. Apparently it’s a HUGE issue for me. I’m not sure why. I don’t know where it came from or what may have caused it, but I put a lot of weight into what other people think of me. I also require constant validation. So when things are not good with someone, when a person is upset with me, short with me or when I know I’ve let them down and disappointed them, it eats away at me. All I want to do is make it right, to fix it, so that all is right again in my world.

The unfortunate thing is that this creates a great deal of stress for me. It causes me to be a people pleaser. Sometimes it evens causes me to sacrifice more than I should, just to make or keep someone happy with me. The thing is, it doesn’t matter. I mean, it does to a certain extent, I should try to be a decent person, treat others fairly and such. The problem is, I’m human and so are they. We’re always going to disappoint people and guess what, people are always going to disappoint us. That’s how life works when human, fallible, messed up people are in relationship.

Lately I’ve become aware that this self worth issue has affected my relationship with God. That I’ve ascribed the same limitations on God that I have on my human relationships. Believing that I have to earn God’s approval or that if things in my life are not going according to plan that I’ve somehow let God down and he’s punishing me or absent. This is pretty crappy theology. God doesn’t change, God doesn’t ebb and flow like the tide. He doesn’t have up and down days like we do. He doesn’t get stressed out and take it out on the people around Him. God doesn’t punish us when we mess up.

I think a lot of this has to do with my conservative upbringing. I remember times when the pastor would talk about God punishing us or bad things happening for a reason. I grew up knowing a very jealous, angry and vengeful God. A God just waiting for you to screw up so He could let you have it. Just waiting with his giant leather belt in the sky to lay one across your backside.

What I’ve come to realize is that this doesn’t reconcile with the God who loves so much that He gives us second chance after second chance. A God who realized the original plans of salvation weren’t working so He rewrote the book and created a new way…yet again. A God who came to earth and walked among us in the form of Jesus, who spent time with the least of us, treating them with compassion and love. The author of Psalm 139:14 even goes so far as to say that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”.

God loves me…unconditionally. There is nothing in my present or my past that makes me unworthy of his love. God never changes, it’s just my self perception and ascribing human characteristics to God that creates this.

If you’re reading his please know that you are enough. Please know that you are loved just the way you are. But…because God loves us so much He doesn’t want to leave us the way He finds us. He wants so much more for us. More than we could even want for ourselves.

Spiritual Warfare

I had to use this picture because it’s so incredibly cheesy and Jesus is so very white. 🙂

Some days my anxiety kicks my butt. It’s nothing like it was a few months ago, but there will be those days when I feel like I can’t catch my breath and someone is sitting on my chest. There are other days when the world just seems cloudy, almost like there’s no hope. These are usually rough things to navigate. They make it hard to focus and think. They make it difficult to interact with people. They make it tough to do just about anything. I used to think that these days were of my own doing. If only my faith was stronger or if I prayed more. I used to think I would will and work myself out of the feeling. Then when I struggled and couldn’t, I’d just feel tired and the negative feelings would just grow.

The other day I was talking with someone, okay not someone, my therapist. I can’t remember if I mentioned her here before, but yes I go once a month. We were talking about how everything will be great and then I’ll just get these days and moments like I just described. She actually told me something I hadn’t really considered that those moments are more than likely a spiritual attack. She said that the Bible tells us that Satan can’t hurt us physically but he can play with our minds and our circumstances (see Job). 1 Peter 5:8 actually says “⁸Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

As we talked she went on to say that what happens is that I’ll begin to blame myself for what I’m feeling, sort of as I just described. She said what I have to realize is that it’s not my fault for feeling that way. So instead of beating myself up or allowing old thoughts, mistakes, etc. to filter in, I need to rebuke the devil and his attack. James 4:7 says “⁷Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” So if we can rely on God and resist the devil, he’ll run away. 

I know many of you struggle like I do with your own brains. I’m a chronic overthinker. I struggle with codependency and worrying about what everyone thinks about me. You may not struggle with anxiety or depression, but many of you struggle with self-worth, guilt, loneliness, and numerous other negative things. My encouragement to you is to not allow these thoughts to change who you believe you are in Christ. God loves us so much and nothing we think about ourselves will ever change the truth about who God is and what Jesus did for us. 1 Corinthians 8:3 says “But whoever loves God is known by God.” You are known by God. Not in some passing acquaintance type fashion. You are known. God knows your heart, your mind, even your very spirit. He knows your thoughts, your desires, your struggles. There is nothing we have done or nothing we can think that God doesn’t already know.

The video below is the song “Defender” by Jesus Culture. It’s a great song that has helped me a lot. I love how it says that God goes before we even know to win our war. Next time you feel you’re under attack, invite God to fight for you, and remember, you’re never alone!