Lately, I’ve been feeling a great deal of restlessness. Admittedly I’m already busy with being a bi-vocational pastor of three small churches in addition to a full-time job and family. Yet something deep inside me is restless. At first, I just wrote it off to busyness, being tired and possibly even some mental health stuff related to my lack of rest, but yet there’s still just something there under the surface.

I think a great deal of it has to do with how our world is right now. Being a Christian I find myself frustrated with a lot of the behavior I witness around me. People who completely support our current president saying things like he’s “anointed by God” or “chose by God” while ignoring ongoing sinfulness and lack of repentance by writing it off and saying God always uses flawed people. Yet these are the same people who want to judge people who aren’t like them in color, nationality, religion, personal beliefs or who they love.

To be honest, the other side’s not so great either. Many liberals or people on the left want to preach acceptance and openness but they too only accept it if it agrees with them or their agenda. I also struggle with the idea that some have that God is so open that anything goes. It’s kind of this idea that God loves you despite your flaws so come on in, which is true, but God still doesn’t want us to remain the same as we were when we walked in the door.

I think much of the restlessness I feel is God calling me to something but I just don’t know what. In my current situation, I find myself being able to make a small difference but I still feel very small and inconsequential. Maybe it’s an ego issue since I’ve been places where my impact felt bigger and I was getting more attention from my local denominational leadership. I’m honestly not sure.

Truth be told though, while busy and tired I’m okay with where I am. While our situation isn’t perfect, I’ve been blessed with an amazing family. I love my little churches and the people there. My supplemental job pays well and it isn’t that difficult. I’ve even been helping on an as-needed basis at a local hospice and have found this very rewarding.

Maybe the restlessness I feel is God preparing me for something. Maybe it’s God calling me closer to Him and reminding me in the midst of the busyness to leave room for Him. I’m not really sure. I just know it’s there and I can feel it.

I don’t think I’m alone. I think there are many Christians who, like me, are frustrated with the state of Christianity right now in America. While proud and thankful for their country they’re also tired of people wrapping the cross in a flag. They’re tired of Christians marrying religion with politics. They’re tired of Christians whitewashing God and creating Him in their image to the point that God hates the same people they do. They’re tired of these same people questioning anyone who disagrees without ever examining their own beliefs and considering that they might actually be wrong.

If your soul is restless like mine let me encourage you to listen. Draw closer to God and wait for Him to show you what it’s all about. Keep praying, worshipping, reading and listening. Keep looking to Jesus, reading the Gospels and trying to be like Him. Most importantly though, in a world with so much division and hatred, just keep loving every chance you get.